EU Individual Paragraph

Should Macedonia join the European Union?

Paragraph Brainstorming:

•  Macedonia trying to join the EU
• Advantages/disadvantages
• What citizens think about that
• Conclusion-my opinion

Original Paragraph:

Macedonia is a country that has been trying to be part of the European Union for 9 years. Majority of the population in Macedonia thinks that it would not be a good idea for Macedonia to join EU, but there are also citizens who think the opposite. The first reason why the citizens are skeptical about Macedonia joining EU is that Europe demands from this country to change its name before joining EU. Macedonians consider this disrespectful and think that with joining the EU they will lose their sovereignty. Another thing people in Macedonia are afraid of is that the country will get into debt and that there are going to be financial difficulties. However, the number of advantages is higher! Nobody thinks about the working possibilities all around Europe, the possibilities to study, travel or live in another EU country. It is my opinion that Macedonia should join the EU because that would definitely be the chance for the country to develop economically, socially and educationally.

Feedback Summary 1:

The first and very obvious mistake my classmates found in my paragraph was that I forgot to put “the” in front of “EU” several times. Another cardinal sin I made is that I wrote a number in digits instead of words in a formal text. And last but not least, there was a punctuation mistake, i.e. probably because I was writing from my point of view, at the end of the sentence “However, the number of advantages is higher” I put an exclamation mark, and that is not appropriate for a formal text. 

New version of paragraph :

Macedonia is a country that has been trying to be part of the European Union for nine years. The majority of the population in Macedonia thinks that it would not be a good idea for Macedonia to join the EU, but there are also citizens who think the opposite. The first reason why citizens are skeptical about Macedonia joining the EU is that Europe demands from this country to change its name before joining the EU. Macedonians consider this disrespectful and think that with joining the EU they will lose their sovereignty. Another thing people in Macedonia are afraid of is that the country will get into debt and that there are going to be financial difficulties. However, the number of advantages is higher. Nobody thinks about the working possibilities all around Europe, the possibilities to study, travel or live in another EU country. It is my opinion that Macedonia should join the EU because that would definitely be the chance for the country to develop economically, socially and educationally.

Feedback summary 2:

After I corrected the most important mistakes, I had some feedback from my classmates who suggested me firstly to transform the sentence “…Europe demands from this country to change its name…” into “…in order to join the EU, Macedonia is required to change its name.” because we were not sure if the word “demands” is appropriate in this case. Secondly, there was also a suggestion to find a synonym for the word “thing” in the sentence “Another thing people in Macedonia are afraid of is...”.However, I decided to leave it like it is because in my opinion that word suits this sentence the best.  

Final Paragraph:

Macedonia is a country that has been trying to be part of the European Union for nine years. The majority of the population in Macedonia thinks that it would not be a good idea for Macedonia to join the EU, but there are also citizens who think the opposite. In order to join the EU, Macedonia is required to change the name, and that is the first reason why the citizens are skeptical about Macedonia being part of the EU. Macedonians consider this disrespectful and think that with joining the EU they will lose their sovereignty. Another thing people in Macedonia are afraid of is that the country will get into debt and that there are going to be financial difficulties. However, the number of advantages is higher. Nobody thinks about the working possibilities all around Europe, the possibilities to study, travel or live in another EU country. It is my opinion that Macedonia should join the EU because that would definitely be the chance for the country to develop economically, socially and educationally.

Final (final) Paragraph:

Macedonia has been trying to become part of the European Union for nine years. The majority of the population in Macedonia thinks that it would not be a good idea for Macedonia to join the EU, but there are also citizens who think that it would be a good idea. In order to join the EU, Macedonia is required to change its name, and that is the main reason why citizens are skeptical about Macedonia joining the EU. Macedonians consider this disrespectful and think that by joining the EU they will lose their sovereignty. Another consequence people in Macedonia are afraid of is that the country would experience financial difficulties. However, the number of advantages is higher. Hardly anyone has considered the working opporunities all around Europe, the opportunities to study, travel or live in another EU country. It is my opinion that Macedonia should join the EU because it would be a chance for the country to improveme in economic, social and educational field.